My friends and I often host Jeffersonian dinners, and we’ve had so many wonderful and memorable conversations.
At a Jeffersonian dinner, everyone at the table participates in a single conversation. The host opens the evening by posing one thoughtful question to the group. Coming up with the question to pose as the host is always fun in and of itself.
At typical large-group dinners, it can feel impossible to follow the conversation because of side banter and the lack of a unified, engaged discussion with everyone. That’s what makes Jeffersonian dinners so special. There are no side discussions, no checking out, and no distractions — just presence, curiosity, and listening.
The idea traces back to Thomas Jefferson, who believed that the deepest insights emerge not from debate or performance but from thoughtful dialogue, where each person contributes, reflects, and builds upon what others have offered. It’s a powerful reminder of how rarely we truly listen to one another, and how transformative it can be when we do.
At a recent dinner, we explored a simple but revealing question: What’s something you were once afraid of but ultimately overcame?
As I reflected, one fear rose immediately to the surface: public speaking. I was once terrified of public speaking, and I struggled with this fear well into my 30s. What frightened me most was the idea that I would stand in front of a large audience, completely freeze, forget everything I wanted to say, and make a complete fool of myself.
Over time, I overcame this fear by doing four things:
Practice, Practice, Practice
I practiced — over and over again. I discovered that when I rehearsed my talks repeatedly, I eventually knew the material so well that it became almost impossible to forget it on stage.
Learning by Doing
I did more and more public speaking over the years, and the more I did, the better I became. After giving 20 or more talks over several years, I began to relax on stage. Instead of forcing the words, I allowed the talk to flow through me.
Storytelling
I began to tell more and more stories. I discovered that an audience becomes bored when ideas are presented only in abstract terms. But when I shared a story to illustrate a point, people leaned forward and listened. Human beings evolved for hundreds of thousands of years without writing, and tribal knowledge was passed down through storytelling. Once I truly understood this, I began to add more and more stories to my public talks, until it became second nature.
Letting Go of Ego
Every time just before I speak publicly, I ask that my higher self speak through me to the audience. When the talk is over, and I can’t remember very clearly what I actually said, I know that the talk was probably a good one because my ego was out of the way and my higher self spoke through me.
We all have fears that shape the boundaries of our lives. The question isn’t whether fear exists, but whether we allow it to decide who we become. Sometimes, growth begins the moment we’re willing to name our fear out loud. Creating more Jeffersonian-style conversations where we listen deeply and speak honestly can be a powerful place to start.